Villainous Dialogue To Avoid

Not every villainous character is a great orator–but many of them are.  We adore a well-written threat, a maniacal monologue, a speech of triumph.  Properly scripted and delivered, your antagonist’s words can have deep and profound impact.

We’d love to give you some examples, but it’s been a long day and good writing is hard.  So we’re going to give you some terrible writing instead.

Pro tip – Don’t have your villains say any of these things:

  • “And now, we shall lower you into the shark pit!  Sharks were expensive; we hope hamsters will do.”
  • “You’re too late!  I’ve already hit the self-destruct button for my fortress!  Wait…why would I do that?”
  • “At last, the world is mine!  Well, not the entire world, but I’m at least going to claim this couch for a while.”
  • “My hatred for the forces of Good is like an unquenchable fire!  Or a really good hot sauce.  Basically, it’s green and goes well on french fries.”
  • “Foolish mortals!  Soon you will know the wrath of…what was my name again?  I think it was something vaguely menacing and could have been in Latin.”
  • “Welcome to my tomb of horrors!  Pleas sign this liability waiver so my insurance rates don’t go up.”
  • “Haha!  I have tied you to the train tracks!  Now, we just need someone to invent the train.”
  • “I will now leave you to a fate worse than death!  Because I’m essentially masochistic and hoping you’ll escape and destroy me.”
  • “You’ll never foil my plans! Because I don’t have any. I have no idea what I’m doing, really.  Do you know how hard it is to get good career advice as a supervillain?”

-The Dark Lord Journal

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