(This is from my other book, “The Big Bad Wolf’s Villainly Alphabet“. But that’s a children’s book…or at least, it is if you’d like to raise some little monsters. I feel like poem under 500 words is fair game for a blog post. Besides, most of the next pieces are rather long and rather sharp around the edges. This is a nice, pleasant little rhyme. I even took out most of the death bits. I think.
Also, today we confirmed V is for Villains at Evil Expo. So this seemed appropriate.)
A Big Bad Wolf’s Villainly Alphabet
(to be read to anyone who needs more Horrible Role Models in their lives)
A is for “AAAAARRRGGGHH!”, that answer to wishes
(The last sound to come from things nice and delicious.)
B is for Belly, giant and fat
Let’s fill it with children, and maybe a cat.
C is for Creature, full of venom and fizz
(It’s not your name, but they think it is.)
D is for Darkling, what we are inside
(It’s our kind of sparkling. We wear it with pride.)
E is for Evil, obviously;
Marked for easy retrieval in our memory.
F is for Fall, as in “Fall from grace”;
When the sky is a lie, the ground’s an embrace.
G is for Glamour–the magickal sort
Which kidnaps poor mortals to Titania’s court.
H is for “Horrors!” – only some of our making.
They pretend to hate them. (And they are faking.)
I is for imp. With dark minds and bright hair.
(Don’t confuse them with House Elves. Those things are a nightmare.)
J is for Joker, and this is why:
When the world is exploding, you laugh, or you die.
K is for kneeling – a thing that’s expected.
They hate us because it’s a thing we’ve rejected.
L is for Love. It’s all you need.
(To have your heart eaten. Take heed! Take heed!)
M is for Murder – but just of the soul
(What happens when you play Society’s role.)
N is for Never, and please be our witness–
That’s when we will finally consider forgiveness.
O is for Opening – of hearts and minds
To all of the misfits, lost toys, left-behinds.
P’s for Penumbral–on the outskirts of dream
Where we like to live, like cats seeking cream.
Q is for Quisling, the treacherous touch
(They know who we are, and why we see them as such.)
R’s for Revenge, as always it’s been
(Revenge is expected. What’s never known? WHEN.)
S is for Stolen, like hearts or like breath
Or like stealing your name–the same thing as Death.
T is for Truth – in quite short supply
(LEAST valued by those who most falsehoods, decry).
U’s for Unholy, those who are ranked
Against automatic obedience to the sacrosanct.
V is for Villain, that glorious being
Who sees things that others would not dream of seeing.
W is for Warped, the strange kind of mind
That lets us seek out, and scheme, and find.
X is for Xenomorph. We can relate
To changing your form, for changing your fate.
Y is for Yelp, a cry of distress
(When you find that order is really a chaotic mess.)
Z is for Zero: What they say crime pays.
The first time we heard that? WE LAUGHED FOR DAYS.
Now we’ve completed our Abecedarian Villainy
This word of advice: Don’t tell ANYONE.
that you heard it.
The unspeakable Villainpunk Jeff Mach frequently seeks new, interesting ways to rewrite this part, and then often ends up just shifting a few words around, going back in time to before he wrote this initially, and hitting “Publish”, so that this is technically new. Don’t tell anyone.
Jeff is a writer and creator who has long aspired to be the sort of person who neither needs to promote his other work at the bottom of his short stories, nor need speak of himself in the third person. Sadly, in both regards, he has failed.